Halsey revealed they sometimes wonder if they “chose the wrong life” after confessing they feel a “deep sadness.”
“I find that often there is a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness,” the singer — who uses she/they pronouns — wrote on their Instagram Story on Wednesday.
“I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself,” they added atop a photo of burning candles. “And the weight of it is suffocating. I’m sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn’t served a greater purpose other than my own self loathing.”
They continued, “I am approaching my 28th birthday in a week and just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18. A breath that was meant to sustain me for a decade.”
The “Closer” singer went on to say they feel as if they’re “wandering lawlessly,” but hope to find meaning in their life through music soon.
“If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle,” they concluded the message, adding, “with love 🤍.”
The “Closer” singer has bipolar disorder.
Halsey has been always been open about their battle with bipolar disorder after they attempted suicide and were admitted to a psychiatric hospital at 17.
“I’ve been committed twice since [I became] Halsey, and no one’s known about it. But I’m not ashamed of talking about it now,” the singer told Rolling Stone back in 2019 about their ongoing struggles.
“It’s been my choice. I’ve said to [my manager], ‘Hey, I’m not going to do anything bad right now, but I’m getting to the point where I’m scared that I might, so I need to go figure this out.’ It’s still happening in my body. I just know when to get in front of it.”
Not only has the “Without Me” songstress been dealing with their mental health over the past couple of years, but they’ve also been diagnosed with a plethora of other health issues.
Back in May, Halsey revealed they were diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Sjogren’s syndrome, mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) following a series of hospitalizations.
“I’ve been looking for answers to the root cause of some of these things, which may be an autoimmune disease. And I know I’ve had autoimmune issues for most of my life, especially having endometriosis,” Halsey reassured fans on Instagram, adding that they “don’t want anybody to be worrying.”